I WAS THERE! SORT OF

 

What is it with me and famous people who are three hundred thousand times richer than me? Anna Wintour. Vivienne Westwood. Karl Lagerfeld's cat. They seem to follow me from baggage carousel to baggage carousel reminding me that:

 

A. I am not sleeping with a rap star.

B. I am not married to a rap star.

C. I have never in fact made a reality TV show, a sex tape or a rap video naked and wind blown on a motor bike. Damn, I suppose. (There's time I guess.)

D. And all of the women who are involved with the above issues need my shoes.

 

At the airport in Florence on Friday, I see a large group of men in black and they are obviously American because they are wearing large spongey rap sneakers not Tods or loafers without socks like the locals. One of them is yelling into a phone "Kanye is coming. Kanye is coming. Bla bla bla, something something something, Kanye Man, you got that?"

I was not, this time, stuck in my Lulu Lemon tracksuit but I was witnessing some strange fragment of 21st century pop culture history unfolding in tense and loud tones a few feet away from my ballet flats.

Gosh.

Inflated like an air balloon made of 20,000 Hermes scarves, the Kardashian/West wedding ravaged and clogged the two major cities of Europe with cavalcades of limos, acres of tuber roses and a cake that is a bit larger than my living room.

Usually for me at least, Florence has a nerdy charm. Everything and everyone under the Tuscan sun is sort of squirrel coloured. But then, when Kanye was coming...enter the MEN IN BLACK and the women in WHITE SATIN and a sense that the world was a film set or maximum security backdrop for the wedding of the century. So far all that has been revealed of La Kim's dress is a grainy image of a Givenchy lace thing. Said to have cost four hundred thousand dollars. And it's backless so how does that make sense? Cocaine petticoats?

But I don't care about the wall of roses, the trashing of Versailles or the obscenity of spending four million dollars on a wedding.

What I want to know about, of course, are the shoes.